It’s a new year and many of us have sexy 2015 New Year’s resolutions. Some of us may have chosen to commit to a daily sex challenge, others may vow to learn more about sex by reading books or taking classes this year. Whatever your sexy resolution, odds are it centers around creating more pleasure and connection for yourself and your partner.
Back when I began exploring my sexuality, I started with learning more about myself. I realized at that point in my life (my 30s) I didn’t know the best way to give myself an orgasm or how to make the ones I did have more gratifying. How was I supposed work on making partnered sex more satisfying if I didn’t fully understand my own sexuality? I ended up stealing a few pages from the dollification playbook and it helped me tremendously.
Dollification is a topic I covered in my Showtime show, Sex with Sunny Megatron. In a couples scenario it involves one person being a doll and the other controlling it. It’s a form of role play that many couples enjoy. Often the person playing the doll finds they love the undivided attention. Also many find the orgasms that result from this type of play are more intense– not only because all of their partner’s focus is on them, but also because the act of remaining very still causes their body to respond to pleasure differently.
If your New Year’s resolution is to reconnect with your partner by trying something different, knock your socks off with dollification– go ahead and watch Sex with Sunny Megatron episode 2 called #Orgasm, for some pointers. If you’d like to learn a little bit more exploring alone, however, you can still use the basic principles of dollification to discover new things about your own body and intensify your orgasms.
To get started, you’ll need to find a toy that you can operate either hands free or with very little intervention. My favorite is the Embrace Body Wand. I place it between my legs when I’m laying in bed and it pretty much stays put until I’m done. A Triple Motor Rabit also works hands free if I close my legs slightly or a mini-bullet wedged between my labia near my clitoris.
Lay comfortably in your bed and turn the toy on. As your pleasure starts to build don’t tense any of your muscles, remain still just like a doll. The first time I did this it was difficult. I didn’t realize how much every muscle in my body– from my eyebrows down to my toes– tensed up when I was receiving sexual pleasure!
It’s also important to remember to breathe. Deep, slow, and steady. Normally, when I’m nearing climax I hold my breath. Many of us do.
What next? That’s it! Have a calm, still, relaxing orgasm. Sounds simple, too simple, in fact. But what does it actually do? Why does having a relaxed orgasm feel different than a tension orgasm?
The first time I had an orgasm being relaxed, calm, and breathing deeply it was an amazing experience. I hadn’t realized before that during all of my previous orgasms my pelvic floor and entire body was clenched, I was white knuckled, grinding my teeth, and holding my breath. All of those things going in in different parts of my body detracted from what my genitals were feeling. By remaining still, the only energy my body released was through my clitoris (rather than letting it “leak out” through my clenched teeth, moans, and tension). My relaxed orgasms are by far the most intense and satisfying orgasms I have.
I find doing this also helps me when I’m having trouble reaching climax (which happens to me often, it usually takes me a long time to reach orgasm). It has even helped me learn to have multiple orgasms. When I’m alone I often include a fantasy scenario, sometimes I imagine I’m a doll or Sleeping Beauty, which adds to the hotness. Role plays are exciting to act out with a partner but sometimes they can be just as fun to fantasize about solo.
Do you have any tips for achieving relaxed orgasms? Have you found them helpful? What about a dollification partnered fantasy? Is this something you’d like to try on your 2015 sexual journey? Share with us in the comments below!