Age play and Daddy play are often misunderstood to those outside of the kinky community.  One can assume the role of Daddy/Mommy or boy/boi/girl regardless of their actual age or gender.  The article below from guest author, Fetlife’s WizarDavid, gives a very accurate peek into the relationship of a Daddy Dominant and Babygirl.  This is part of a series of articles called Beyond 50 Shades of Grey that take a deeper, more realistic look at elements of BDSM.  Get ready to go Beyond 50 Shades. 

Just what is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dom. He chooses the subcategory of “Daddy” within the lifestyle of dominance and submission (D/s). Let’s get one thing out of the way right at the beginning. A Daddy Dom does not promote incest or pedophilia as the kink may be misunderstood by ignorant people. Rather, in this specific subcategory, the dynamic is set up for the male dominant to be called “Daddy,” and the female submissive (sub) to be called “girl,” “little girl,” or “babygirl,” etc. Rarely is she called “daughter,” as this evokes too many parallels to incest, which Daddies and their girls detest. And while some doms and some subs may have been victims of family violence, incest, or other abuse, Daddy Doms and their girls are not overrepresented in these categories any more than the general population.

The following are some of the fundamental characteristics, and indeed needs, that all Daddy dominants seem to share universally:

1.  Her Number One Fan, the Daddy usually believes in his girl more than she herself does, and often uses the wisdom of his age to see her not only for who she is, but also for who she can become. A Daddy’s eyes light up when his girl enters the room. He is proud of her and praises her for not just for what she accomplishes, but for what she attempts, and for who she is. He accepts her for who she is, flaws and all.

2.  And he knows all her flaws because he is also her ultimate Confidant, allowing her to bare her soul to him beyond all others. She may have many different relationships and types of friends in her life. But Daddy will be her “umbrella confidant.” The one with whom she can talk about absolutely anything and trust that what she tells Daddy stays with Daddy. He is the one from whom she withholds nothing. The one who doesn’t mind if she needs to call and talk at 3am.

3.  He is the Protector of his girl against real or perceived threats, dangers, and bad people. Sometimes a little girl just needs to curl up in Daddy’s arms and smile at some of his bluster, and sometimes the Daddy may have to act on his protective instincts. Pity the person who messes with a Daddy’s girl.

4.  Her Teacher and mentor shows her new things that come from a longer and possibly wider set of life experiences. Daddy likes to take his girl to places she has never been, feed her foods she has never eaten, and do activities she has never enjoyed before. He is never so happy as when he can look in her eyes and know he has given her something she has never had before. This also translates into sexual adventurism for some Daddy/girl couples. He symbolically deflowers her on a regular basis, whether that be sexual or just in exposure to new life adventures.

5.  He wants to be her Guide and advisor. As the girl makes her way in the world, Daddy wants to be there to answer her questions, calm her fears, make her insecurities go away, and give her sound advice based on his years of experience.

6.  Anchor. The Daddy dom is an unyielding, unmovable anchor in the storm. No matter what happens in the girl’s life, she knows her Daddy will be right there where he has always been, and she can hold onto that even if she is blinded by her own tears. Daddies know the storm will pass, and she will be safe, but she needs something to hold onto that will not move.

7.  Disciplinarian. When the girl acts badly, she expects to be disciplined or punished for the infraction. Most Daddy dominants find it occasionally difficult to keep this up, especially as the affection for their girl grows. They would love nothing more than to spoil their girls, but they realize this is the path to ruin. One a girl begins to believe she can manipulate Daddy, she no longer sees him as her dominant, unyielding anchor. A girl needs the stability and protection of a man who is more dominant than she is. To demonstrate that characteristic, Daddies must sometimes be excessively strict and rigid, more so than they would in normal relationships. The act of disciplining the girl may be used as part of a sadomasochistic activity.

In addition to these practically mandatory characteristics, some couples add their own sadism and masochism to the mix, and may use the concept of the wolf or lion and little lamb to describe the way in which the Daddy simultaneously protects his little girl from the world, and yet wants to dominate and devour her sexually. As a sadist, he may create the very tears that he will later kiss away. Sounds sweet, and yet terrifying, if you are not accustomed to the world of sadomasochism in which these participants operate. But to a Daddy and his girl who are into BDSM, this is the most perfect of scenarios they can imagine to act out their fetish.

Daddies come in many flavors, just as their girls do. Some Daddies may have polyamorous girls who have male and female lovers, and Daddy may be that one person outside the polyamory “family” who does not judge her. A Daddy and his girl might not have a sexual relationship at all. Since this is typically a D/s construct, there is usually a sexual component, but as can be seen from the above list of characteristics, sex is not the largest factor or the motivating force in this type of relationship. A Daddy may have more than one girl, may be married and have a girl, too, or may have other types of combinations. But it is rare for a girl to have more than one Daddy.

It is said that “a Top is for tonight, a Dominant is for as long as she is submissive, a Master is there until she is no longer a slave, but a Daddy is forever.” Daddy may have to give his girl away to a husband. He may eventually run out of things to teach his little girl. She may ultimately not need his sage advice and his experience any more. Hopefully he will be too old by then to have to deal with it, because when there is nothing left to teach, no need for a confidant, no discipline needing to be meted out, when his little girl no longer needs her Daddy, that’s when he will die inside. The need that Daddy has for his girl is every bit as potent as the need she has for her Daddy.

A Daddy usually knows he is one. He doesn’t have to be convinced of it, or taught how to be a Daddy. He may only need to have his innate Daddy characteristics pointed out to him. It might happen in the throes of a sexual activity when she exclaims “Daddy” for the first time, and the light goes on. Similarly, the little girl usually knows she needs a Daddy without having to be taught how to be his little girl. Once they identify themselves as Daddy/Little Girl, the draw is more powerful than many other forms of attraction, because it is rooted in deep-seated and old emotions that may not have any other outlet.

Girls in this lifestyle do not act like little girls in their normal work lives. They do not bring teddy bears to work. Indeed many are older women who are very assertive and successful in the business world, but need this special place to get nurturing and comfort lacking in their careers. A Daddy might not necessarily act parental or fatherly in his normal work life either. For some it may be role playing, for some it is a secret lifestyle, and other couples delight in the joys of unabashedly practicing the Daddy/girl dynamic in public. In any case, it evokes deep-seated needs and emotions for both parties, and is a very powerful dynamic.

While some of these characteristics could easily be applied to any good male-female relationship, there are some that require something quite different than the “50/50 partnership” that is so often touted as the most healthy. This is not 50/50. This is a Dominant/submissive relationship, and all the characteristics should be viewed through the lens of D/s.

And while many of the characteristics could also be easily applied to any good D/s or Master/slave relationship, there are some characteristics that are decided different. Not all Masters consider themselves their slave’s number one fan or her umbrella confidant. Teacher, guide, and anchor are not necessarily roles that a Master is required to adopt.

This is nowhere near a complete treatise on Daddy/girl relationships. It does not address the possibility that parent-child ego states (Transactional Analysis) are the preferred communication mode. It does not address the “play space” created by the Daddy for the girl to enjoy feeling “little,” or many other aspects that make D/g different from other D/s, M/s and similar dynamics. But this description of Daddy Dom characteristics will hopefully be useful as a baseline explanation of what makes a Daddy tick.

Big thanks to WizarDavid for giving me permission to repost this. This is one of the best write-ups on Daddy play I’ve seen. Do keep in mind this is written based off of the author’s own experiences as a male who plays with females. There are other points to be made about butch Daddies, Mommies, etc.  
If anyone would like to write a follow up addressing butch Daddy play, leather Daddy play, Mommy play or from the point of view of a girl/boy/boi, please let me know. 
Lastly, some of you have expressed the desire to play with this dynamic but don’t have a willing partner. Sometimes the best way to explore a new kind of roleplay is with a professional. You can always hire a pro-Daddy, Mommy or submissive from a site like
~Sunny Megatron
63 replies
  1. susan
    susan says:

    Where’s a girl to go to find a daddy dom – might that be a stop on a weird Chicago tour?

  2. Daddy
    Daddy says:

    Wow, you just nailed it, described me…You’re so spot on…And my challenge in this type of relationship is being the disciplinarian as you mentioned…Pretty amazing research and writing on your part..


    • Dainis Graveris
      Dainis Graveris says:

      What I’ve found to be really helpful is actually reading DDLG fiction books (there are quite a bit of them in Amazon).
      Just pick up the most popular books and if women like and read them, that means, that’s how they want to be treated :)

      50 Shades of Grey movie also indicates that women crave something like that… maybe not so deep ownership, but yeah..they want some!

      Oh another thing, here’s a Definite DDLG guide, that shows quite a bit of scenes that could be played…and really explains and shows the power balance that creates awesome relationships.

      Yeah, but in the end it’s still about practice :) The more you do, the better you get! That’s what I’m seeing in my own relationships :) The better I become the more passionate our relationships become and it’s awesome!

  3. LittleLily
    LittleLily says:

    Wow I am impressed reading this article:) It was very enjoyable to read… I’m a little girl;) and I am only attracted to Daddy types…The attraction is so strong…As soon as I detect Daddy traits in a man, I start to get nervous, shy, blushing and giggling…:)

    • Nonya business
      Nonya business says:

      Shouldn’t be watching porn when you have a lady. How disrespected would you feel to see her pleasuring herself to somebody else but you, or if she were in one of those videos? Maybe she needs a Daddy, talk to her about it

      • Andrew Stewart
        Andrew Stewart says:

        You’re correct in THAT their dynamic, it’s nobody’s business. She may also enjoy porn, do we know anything? Brave enough to comment & then have you judge? Who are you to judge? You’re need to evolve is so evident in your narrow mindedness.

      • Ben
        Ben says:

        Lol, my partner DOES watch porn and I would never want to take that away from her. Sex is amazing and we have a fantastic sex life with each other but part of having a healthy sex life is having your own sexual identity. Masturbation is still important, and pornography can be a great outlet for private fantasies during “me time.” She deserves her occasional private time, so do I.

        Unless it’s an addiction or invasive habit, Anyone that feels threatened by the fact that their partner occasionally enjoys masturbation or watches pornography has some serious insecurity/control issues.

        • Melin
          Melin says:

          Well said Ben!
          My daddy dom and I love each other very much and do not want to venture outside of our monogomy( have talked about 3somes, but both too possesive lol) but we certainly love porn, love our active, kinky imaginations & will keep wanting to please each other within our boundries. We realize we can think other people, kinky stuff is hot but loving and having a relationship is something we only reserve for each other and do not want to break those bonds by bringing anyone else into our relationship at this time.
          A desire to please one another, not try to manipulate and control, have open and honest,communication is a solid foundation for a relationship to flourish and keep growing:))

  4. Pricila Cruz
    Pricila Cruz says:

    Very well written. My Daddy Dom has all of these characteristics. He actually asked me to read this. The article mentions that there may be a time where we don’t need our Daddy anymore. I don’t see why that would happen..I mean Daddy is my everything. He is not only my Daddy Dom but he is also my partner. Our bond is strong and unlike any other relationship I have ever been in. -Skittles

    • james
      james says:

      in fact… as so many of my relationships resemble this dynamic – though the label of daddy/baby girl wasn’t categorised back in this days lol , every one of my past partners, did indeed no longer need me…
      it took me years to realise this as a positive result, not a failure within my own character. Though conversely now that I’m older, I also think that it is also possible that daddy doesn’t need his baby girl any longer – and the equality of how this should evolve (from my current perspective) should also be possible.

      it was an interesting read :)

    • Steven
      Steven says:

      It’s true baby. I had a baby doll 20. I always told her she would be gone one day and she would sob as she wanted to marry me. No baby the age 1. But 2 you have a beautiful life to live and have a family. Daddy is here to set you on that path. Do I love you? More than you ever know but I’m a disciplinary figure in your life to teach you to be an incredible woman in life. She said it will never happen I’ll be here forever. 4 years past her gone and she won’t even text at times. A Daddy does know his girl.
      Please listen to him..

    • Dragonfly
      Dragonfly says:

      I feel the same way. My daddy was scared when he read that part but I can’t see ever not needing him. He’s my world. Always will be.

  5. ART
    ART says:

    Great find and read. Currently in an amazing Daddy babygirl relationship. She fits the mold to a T. The emotions of all aspects are powerful. She feels in touch with me as I do require a willinh little girl to grow with.

    Thank you all

  6. Dan
    Dan says:

    Full disclosure, but need some help understanding. If a husband, yes me, fullfils 4 out of the 7 Daddy descriptors. Would it be uncommon for a wife to sneak around to either a) find a new daddy to fill the other 3; or b) find a daddy to fill all 7? This is all new to me. As my wife’s iPhone syncs to the family computer. And, she filmed her escapades. That is how I found out that she was living this other life. Thank you in advance for some guidance.

  7. Lauren
    Lauren says:

    My husband is my daddy Dom. I call him “Daddy” in and out of the bedroom. He is the leader in our household. He spanks me when I’m too rude or disobedient. Our marriage improved greatly once I left the corporate world and became a housewife.

    • Nina
      Nina says:

      Do you not enjoy spankings? I ask because spankings are usually a reward. So if your Daddy is spanking you every time you are bad he is just encouraging you to misbehave.

      • cynthia
        cynthia says:

        I am a baby girl submissive have bern for yrs

        this is my take on spanking
        there is playful spanking

        there is sexual spanking a turn on

        there is discipline spanking

        for me I enjoy the playful spanking n the sexual turn on spanking

        but discipline / punishment spanking totaly different mindset n often brings tears n apologies
        it’s NOT a Reward at all

        some people may not understand this esp a new person that’s not a real Dom

        a real Daddy Dom understands this n knows his lil girl

  8. Lil nisha
    Lil nisha says:

    This was very helpful in helping me figure out alot about myself and what I am looking for.

    Thank you great job

  9. Paige Elise
    Paige Elise says:

    I am new to the DD/lg type of relationship, I have always been a submissive person, and it was until i got with my boyfriend now did it come to light that i am a little…I don’t act like a child however everything ive read on the topic sounds like my relationship and someone help me understand this type of relationship?

  10. babygirlk94
    babygirlk94 says:

    i won’t ever grow up i promise you, it is such a comfort zone for me that when triggered (I have mental health issues) i run for it like it’s air. It also helps with symptoms from my mental health.

  11. Nina
    Nina says:

    This is such an excellent explanation of what a Daddy is. I use this article to help explain being a Daddy to people that are new to BDSM or have other ideas of what they think a Daddy is (and are usually pretty offensive).
    The only thing I think need to be pointed out is that not all Daddies are men, and their littles are not always women. I have met many Daddies and littles all across the gender spectrum. I am a cis woman submissive and little, and I only will be with butch or trans guys that are Daddies.

  12. Alesandra
    Alesandra says:

    Wow. Such a good article and describes me and my Daddy Dom completely. Thank you for educating people on this much misunderstood topic.

  13. Rain
    Rain says:

    Wow I came across this and thought it be an interesting read, but I realize that all that you described as daddy treats, is everything I have been wanting from my relationships. Perhaps that’s way I can’t find someone that treats me right. I thought I was just to child like to ever have a satisfying relationship with. I thought I was to little at heart and could never understand way. Thank you.

  14. Genevieve
    Genevieve says:

    This was thoughtfully and beautifully written. Wow. I knew these things already ,but reading it in this new light opened my eyes even more. I wish I had a Daddy.

  15. Shy and lost
    Shy and lost says:

    How would someone new to this, but recently self identifying go about finding a community of like minded people? I feel empowered with knowledge but lost on how to connect with others because it’s not something that’s brought up in casual conversation. Especially when I start getting too shy to even discuss it with close friends. Some help would be great!

    • Sunny Megatron
      Sunny Megatron says:

      I suggest starting by going to and looking for DDLG groups. You don’t even have to interact, just reading will give you some info. And remember, since all content there is user-generated it may not be 100 % accurate (and there can be creeps on Fetlife just like there are on every social media or dating site). But as far as finding a central repository of info, that is probably your best bet.

  16. Annetta
    Annetta says:

    My husband has become a daddy dom to another person. I am not in this lifestyle and it is very confusing. It has been 4 months and the worst 4 months of my life. Are there any boundaries in this thing or they just do what they want. I am trying to find out what rules and rights I even have or is my marriage over due to the baby girl. Please help.

    • yes-Daddy
      yes-Daddy says:

      Hi Annetta,
      Firstly – full dislosure – I am a Daddy Dom and also, separately married.
      I can understand why you’re feeling worried and being left behind. In my case, the 2 relationships co-exist ok, but can be a difficult balance to keep emotionally. They are, of course very different in what I want to get out them both.
      With my little girl I want to experiment, I want to feel flushed and hot with her. In short I wouldn’t want to put my very gentle wife through the scenes I do with my sub.
      But I also love the family life, stability and deep love I have for my wife. Of course we’ve known each other for years and can practically read and 2nd guess each other.
      Do you find that you are the dominant one when you have sex? Is it quite straightforward and non- kinky sex? This could be what he craves too.
      One other thing – relationships are nothing without communication. So talk! Ironically the Daddy/little girl relationship also needs communication too to really work.
      Happy to talk more if you need to.

      yes-Daddy x

  17. Nathan Drake
    Nathan Drake says:

    So my wife is into DDLG and I’ve never experienced that kind of relationship. I do have the qualities as being the protector, teacher, number one fan, confidant,guide and anchor but not disciplinarian so if anyone could help me out that would be perfect. All the other wualties match myself perfectly though

    • cynthia
      cynthia says:

      if your wife identifies as a little / submissive it’s not. sm thing that will go away n she will not be fulfilled with out it
      also you must learn to be s Dom n Daddy n with that come discipline / punishment your little / wife craves it I assure you of that she wont be happy w out it but u also need to have self control during discipline

  18. Princess
    Princess says:

    Amazing. A lot of people on the outside of this lifestyle look in and see everything all wrong. I’m so glad this was written. Thank you

  19. jon
    jon says:

    i find this an interesting read. i am a daddy from Sydney, Australia. I am happy to communicate to like minded individuals and obviously would like to reach out to little girls

  20. Heather V
    Heather V says:

    In the article above, you state that of anyone wants to contribute from the perspective of a submissive to a Daddy, or tray of a girl/boi/boy, to let you know. I’d like to contribute.

  21. Dragonfly
    Dragonfly says:

    My Daddy and I just realized that we’re in a Daddy/babygirl relationship. It’s so reliving to read this and find out there’s others like us.

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