I like to see the good in things, I really do. That goes for sex toys as well. When I review a sex toy I don’t personally like I can often pinpoint its good qualities someone else might appreciate. Perhaps a particular toy is too rumbly, too big, or shaped wrong for my body. A toy like that might be perfect for someone who digs very deep vibrations, prefers toys on the smaller side, and has anatomy different from mine.
It’s rare that I lie in my bed with a new toy to test in hand (and in bush), staring at the ceiling, mumbling “what the fuck!?”
What’s even worse is when that happens with toys made by a company I really like.
Je Joue very graciously sent me all four of the current items available in their Ooh line. The Je Joue Ooh collection is a brilliant concept in theory. It’s modular, meaning you have one motor that is interchangeable with different toys. This is supposed to cut down on cost and be a safeguard against being out a ton of money from throwing an entire toy away if the motor burns out. Conceptually this is brilliant. In reality, not so much.
How did they perform?
Vibrating Pebble: It’s okaaaaayyyyy if you don’t require the most intense vibrations to get off. . . and if you don’t mind your hand getting more action than your clit (or whatever body part you’re stimulating). The motor slides into the back of the toy where your hand holds it and the vibrations don’t carry well to the part that’s supposed to be in contact with your body. Luckily the toy is short and small so my clit felt about 80% of the intensity while my hand got the full 100%. Yes, it got me off but the frustration of not having the strongest vibrations where I wanted them was really distracting.
I found the Pebble best personally as a “finishing off” toy after getting worked up with foreplay another way. By the time I got to this toy I was near orgasm anyway so the weakened power at the clit end didn’t matter as much. In reality, though, I don’t need a “finishing off toy” that’s separate from my other toys I like better. Long story short, it was ok. I give it a letter grade of a B overall. It wasn’t horrible but I would have felt a little let down if I spent money to buy it (keep in mind I like the strongest vibrations possible and I’ve used hundreds of sex toys so I have high standards).
The Classic Vibrator: This was my “what the fuck” toy. I have no idea how a toy so disappointing could have make it through the development process and into production. Maybe someone dropped the ball at work?
Go with me into fantasy-land on this one . . . When they were developing the Classic Vibrator perhaps Pat thought Alex was in charge of having the prototype tested by real people and Alex thought Pat was taking care of that. When they discovered their mix-up, rather than fessing up and getting the job done, they both lied to their boss and passed this toy off as being grade-A certified pleasing to genitals. That’s how the Classic Vibe was put into production with no one the wiser . . . except Alex and Pat.
Just to finish off the story so I don’t leave you hanging wondering what became of this underachieving pair . . . When their boss gets wind of the negative reviews for the Classic Vibe, Pat and Alex point fingers at each other insisting “it wasn’t my fault, they did it!” In corporate speak they “throw each other under the bus” in a major way. Eventually, when the office tension becomes too much, Pat interviews for another position within the company and moves to a different floor. I tell you, there really is no accountability in the workplace anymore.
I have no idea if something like this really happened but this kind of silly mix up sits with me better than the possibility of simply no one in the development or production process realizing this toy was awful. I also had fun constructing my completely made up story. Perhaps I’ll keep it going turning it into erotica. In the end Alex and Pat can hate-fuck each other on the conference room table right next to a tray of Friday morning bagels. If I decide to go further I can title chapter 2, “That’s Not Cream Cheese!”
My video below explains why the Classic Vibrator is so lackluster. The short answer is this: The motor that’s supposed to be inserted at the handle of the toy doesn’t carry much of the vibration to the mid-shaft or tip of the vibrator. Sex blogger Dangerous Lilly took hers apart and discovered why. A little plastic stick running through the middle of the toy is what’s supposed to transmit the vibrations to the tip (picture of the vibrator dissection in Lilly’s blog or at 4:30 in the video below). Well, it doesn’t. I’m no design engineer but even I realize this isn’t a particularly good idea. I give the Classic Vibrator a solid F.
The Vibrating Cock Ring: Not as bad as the Classic Vibrator but still not good. Maybe it was Mercury Retrograde when they whipped this one up? Or maybe that new intern mixed up the PowerPoint slides causing the company to accidentally produce the wrong design? I’m not sure what happened but I know I don’t have enough in me to make up another far-fetched story that ends in icy-cold stares in the elevator and hate-fucking next to breakfast food.
Basically, if you can get this toy to fit around your dick, you don’t mind scratchy seams, and dig penis rings that are more uncomfortable and bulky than similar (better) ones on the market, then this is your dream cock ring.
My husband attempted to use it. He has a very accurate descriptor for his penis. It’s a Goldilocks cock: not too big, not too small, but juuuust right. Ken is also very well versed in cock rings and has quite a collection. This type of cock ring is meant to go around the shaft of the penis rather than over the shaft and balls. The Ooh Cock Ring didn’t fit around his shaft and just wasn’t stretchy enough. He got it on while flaccid with the help of lots of lube but it was difficult. He’s about 5.5” in circumference erect and the ring is about 4” by our measurements.
Wearing it, ignoring the discomfort from the seam that runs around the inner ring, it simply wasn’t comfortable. Other cock rings this style aren’t this big, bulky, and heavy on the motor end. It weighed him down, banged around, and didn’t sit comfortably. We didn’t actually have sex with it on because it wasn’t comfortable after he was fully erect.
I give the cock ring a D. There may be people with penises out there that find the circumference of the ring comfortable, however, odds are the seam and the bulkiness may still be an issue. I also suspect if the wearer does not find it too uncomfortable, the receiver might actually find the larger size more stimulating because it can reach places smaller cock rings can’t. That’s a lot of speculation and if’s, however. Je Joue makes a wonderful and highly rated cock ring called Mio. I advise those interested in luxury rechargeable vibrating penis rings who also want something that’s more of a sure thing right out of the box to go for the Mio instead.
USB Rechargeable Large Motor: Ready for an unexpected plot twist!?! The Ooh Large Motor is absolutely amazing! It’s hella powerful with 3 speeds and 2 patterns (yes, I just said “hella”). It’s quiet and also submersible in water. 2 hours of charge gets you 2 hours of power. This motor was so powerful that out of curiosity I tried using it direct as a clit vibe with no attachments on it. While the shape wasn’t the most conducive to comfort, it still got the job done and got it done well. One work around while using it with the attachments intact is to turn them around and use the motor end as the part pressed against your clit or other fun body part. But at that rate, why use/buy the silicone attachments at all? Just get off with the motor and call it a day. It’s a real shame the silicone attachments work against this amazing little piece of equipment. My only hope is the 2.0 versions of the silicone pieces or the new attachments due out in 2016 have a different design that allow this gem of a motor to shine through. This piece in the collection gets a solid A+. Too bad it’s designed to work with other pieces that aren’t on the same level.
My Final Recommendation
I can go on with a few more perks like how all the toys are made from silky soft body friendly silicone, and are available to purchase as cleverly named packages called “Pleasure Kits” containing 2 toys plus a motor at a slight discount, but does all that really matter after all the shortcomings?
One thing I do want to reiterate is how much I normally like Je Joue’s products (and that makes the Ooh debacle even more of a let down). Don’t let the negative reviews on the Ooh line steer you away from some of their other toys. The G-Ki G-spot vibrator has long been a favorite of mine and the Mimi clit vibe is great also. In my video review above I talk about how some of their other toys are similar in shape and price to toys in the Ooh line. The Mimi is near identical to the Pebble and the Classic Vibrator is similar to the Uma.
My final word is if something from the Ooh line is intriguing, you may be best to find the Je Joue non-modular toy that most closely resembles it and buy that instead (Pebble = Mimi, Classic Vibe = Uma, and cock ring = Mio). As I said before, Je Joue generally makes amazing products.
If you’re really itching to try the Ooh modular collection steer clear of the Classic Vibe if you want to use it for more than a dildo that barely has any vibration at the tip. The Cock Ring is also iffy too depending on your anatomy and comfort tolerance– maybe they will improve the design for a wider range of comfort with a 2.0 version? The Large Motor, however, is great and the Vibrating Pebble is decent.
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**Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this product free of charge from Je Joue in exchange for my honest review. I will never misrepresent products, publish a false review or compromise my good name for free stuff. If something sucks, I’ll tell you it sucks. I only endorse products I truly believe in and have used myself. I am disclosing this in accordance to the Federal Trade Commission’s Guidelines: CFR, Part 255