by Ken Melvoin-Berg
Ken Melvoin-Berg owns Weird Chicago Tours and the Midwest’s premier S&M Dungeon, The Studio. As a Lecturer and Sexstorian, he is the creator of On The Edge (a lecture/film series on BDSM). In addition to authoring 14 books on various subjects, Ken edits and writes numerous articles on sexuality.
He travels around the world teaching kink awareness to various private groups and continually develops new kink-friendly/sex positive classes.
Ken is responsible for the infamous Northwestern University Fucksaw controversy while teaching his class, Networking for Kinky People. Sunny Megatron is his partner in crime and perverted adventures.
As a sex educator, S&M dungeon owner (The Studio) and pleasure advocate involved in the BDSM lifestyle, I’ve had the pleasure of trying all sorts of interesting sex toys many folks don’t ever see. I’m also fortunate to be one of the people that tests, reviews and writes about new products as they come out.
My partner, Sunny Megatron, and I are sexuality educators that teach and work as a couple. We are also parents, which gives the adult part of our life a very different spin. Our pleasure tools need to be discreet and effective. In other words, we don’t fuck around when it comes to our favorite subject– sex toys.
In December of 2010 a terrible event occurred in our personal lives. The house next door burned down in the middle of the night. A corner of our house also caught fire. Frantically, we awoke, put on some clothes, gathered up our pets (the kids weren’t home, thank goodness) and had just enough time to grab some personal items before we dashed out of the house. Independently we each gathered an armful of our most treasured possessions. We rushed out into the street, looked at each other and asked, “What did you bring out of the house?” Our answers were the same: “A bag full of sex toys.”
My experiences got me thinking about some of the sex and BDSM toys I use every day, but haven’t had much exposure. The list you are about to read is tried and true. On it you’ll certainly find something useful that you didn’t know about before.
In February 2011, I gave a lecture at Northwestern University on my class, Networking for Kinky People. It made the top 5 college scandals in US history in what has become known as, the “Fucksaw” event. Although it’s my favorite sex toy of all time, I’ve decided to exclude it from this list. The fucksaw has already had more than enough publicity.
I am straight, male, poly and dominant in my sex life. These toys reflect my personal experiences and preferences.
This sex toy has the intense power of a corded Hitachi vibrator with the price and quality the KinkLab brand is known for. Its best feature is its cordless function making it great to use with rope bondage, straight-up sex or kinky outdoor activities. Bring it camping, to the beach or along in the car for extra fun without the need for an electrical outlet!
The Dragon’s Tongue sports a thick piece of soft leather or silicone and makes the perfect starter whip/flogger. It is ideal for either warming someone up or for extended hard core BDSM scenes. The Dragon Tongue can feel thuddy or stingy depending on the force used.
The weight of the fall (the whippy end of the whip) is what makes it versatile for any kind of play. It’s heavy enough to give a flogger like sensation when wielded gently but can crack and sting when you put some power behind it.
This whip feels great in my hands and looks menacing. The handle comes in a variety of different designs and colors. If you haven’t seen some of the beautiful stuff the guys from Sex and Metal make, take a peek. The handles on all their whips and floggers are beautiful. You can get it in leather or for vegans, a cruelty free silicone. I like the cruel version better.
This is your new #1 party favor. Even if you don’t use it, people will talk about it for the novelty— some will be curious and some will be horrified! It’s so big it looks as if it could split a woman in two, which is the perfect mindfuck for a submissive. After you use it on them, however, they likely won’t be able to get enough. The consensus from women who have used it is– looks scary, feels GRRREAT!
Like any vaginal speculum, you open it up to observe and play with your lady friend’s innermost naughty bits. Be extra careful to use lube, start with a small opening and work your way up. It is also great for photography, especially when used with glow sticks. Not kidding, see the pic above. Yep that’s a glowing cervix!
4. Neon Wand and Power Tripper
I listed two items for one here, because you need one to use the other. The Neon Wand is a portable Tesla coil that comes with 4 glass electrodes. Neon Wands are used to tickle someone with electricity on the surface of the skin.
The Power Tripper is a body contact that tucks neatly into a waistband, hand or sock. It plugs into the Neon Wand, is powered by it and allows someone’s entire body to safely conduct electricity. What this means is any conductive metal item you touch or that touches you while wearing a Power Tripper delivers a small electrical charge.
I could, for instance, take a dining fork, aluminum foil, a Wartenberg pinwheel, a chain flogger or a myriad of other metal items, drag them across a lovers body and send electrifying tingles through them wherever I touch. Take a minute to sit back and imagine exactly how fun this could be. The possibilities are truly endless!
Because of its powerful conductivity and quality construction, the Power Tripper is much more intense than any other violet wand body contact on the market. Use it only on lower settings with a Neon Wand unless you enjoy hardcore pain.
Warning! Clowns! I have a weird fetish that terrifies a lot of folks. Yes, I have a clown fetish. I dress up like a clown and top lovely young ladies. In my clownish pursuits, I use a ton of balloons.
The 260Q balloon or “balloon animal” balloon is the best toy ever created for sex and BDSM. It is versatile– you can use it for bondage or a dildo. Balloon bondage is done by wrapping the inflated, tied balloons around the wrists, legs and ankles or even wrapped around the entire body. You can also give “wiener” dog an entirely new meaning by turning the 260Q into a balloon dog dildo (remember to make the tail extra long and firm).
Latex balloons create a sonic boom when they pop, which brings the concept of balloon dildos to a whole new level. Not only do balloon dildos give the receiver a deliciously full sensation, a sudden pop mid-fuck sends some women into instant orgasm and/or female ejaculation. Just make sure you account for all of the pieces after the pop (and have fun searching for them!). Another curious fact is that a latex balloon is as biodegradable as an oak leaf.
One caveat: These balloons are latex so if you’re allergic, don’t use them.
These metal restraints completely immobilize the fingers and wrists, leaving only the thumb free to wiggle around. They come in either metal or red finish and are dusted with anodized paint which allows them to carry an electric charge. Going back to item #4, the Neon Wand with Power Tripper– the hand traps are one of the types of items that can be electrified. Let the evil grins commence!
Depending on how much you tighten each finger screw, the hand traps can be simply debilitating or downright painful. In combination with a spreader bar you can complete upper body immobilization.
Two words that will change your life, gentlemen: Metal Viagra. This lovely thing feels good and works better. Restricting the blood flow to the penis makes your staying power longer, your cock stiffer and your orgasm more intense. This cockring makes me harder than Chinese Algebra. Be sure to use lube while putting it on. Testicles first and penis second (make sure it’s not hard).
This is the holy grail of sex toys for men. It is better than ass, pussy and mouth combined. Unlike other male masturbators, it’s simple to clean— just flip it open and rinse. A must have for anyone with a penis.
This double ended, curved metal dildo is great for men or women. Guys who aren’t used to anal can use the small end as a great P-spot (prostate) stimulator. You can use the larger end for a woman’s G-spot or for anal if you can handle larger stuff in your nether regions.
Surgical stainless metal can be sterilized, heated up, cooled down and is easy to keep clean.
It also makes a great weapon to keep handy next to the bed in case of burglars.
These are a particularly cruel and bitey set of nipple clamps. Oh sure, they look innocent enough before you open them up. When you pull back the top, however, a claw extends out that looks like an alien probing device.
I like to play a game with noobs that haven’t seen this item before called, “Lady or the Tiger.” I show the victim two sets of nipple clamps, one is the Extreme Talon Nipple Clamps– “Tiger,” the other is a cruel looking set of wide clamps– “Lady.” I make them to choose a set to go on their nipples. Unfortunately for the victim, they usually choose the “Tiger” because it looks gentler!
These ten choices may seem a bit strange for what John Q. Public is using in his bedroom, but they can be amazing fun when looking to spice things up. Thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, so many people are looking for exciting sexytime extras. Ditch the overly recommended Ben Wa balls and riding crop and go for something new.
Whether you are using a horse speculum or trying out that dragon’s tongue whip for the first time, remember to play safe, sane and consensual. Get as much information as you can about how to use each toy correctly, review safety procedures and learn how to properly clean and care for all of your naughty items.
Enjoy! Have good sex!
p.s. What’s your favorite tried and true sex toy or kinky implement? Tell us in the comments below!