American Sex Podcast Discord Language Etiquette
(This document contains examples of offensive language)
Because acceptable vs. offensive language can be subjective based on the community you’re in and past communities you’ve learned from, we thought it important to have a separate document explaining language etiquette in the American Sex Podcast Discord Community.
First, it should be noted that we’re all constantly learning and we’ve all fucked up. Every one of us has unknowingly used a term at one point or another that’s offensive. On top of this, what’s considered acceptable is constantly evolving. This means we’re all going to fuck up again at some point. The best we can do is apologize, learn from the experience, and try our very best not to do it again (and if we do accidentally, then repeat that process until we get it right).
What to do if someone uses offensive terms
If you observe someone using an offensive term in our community simply because they didn’t know (as opposed to doing it maliciously), I ask you to treat that person with compassion. If you chose to engage with them about it, gently calling that person in as opposed to harshly calling them out is what’s warranted here. Again, we’ve all been there and, simply put, we don’t know what we don’t know. This very well could be the first time that individual has been told the word they are using is a slur.
Secondly, this is a space where people talk about their most intimate fantasies. It can be scary to be that vulnerable in a group setting! It can be even scarier to think the fetish you mustered up the courage to tell a bunch of new friends about is “wrong” or offensive. Your fetishes are valid! Let’s remember to never kink shame. Be sensitive to the fact that correcting someone’s language may land as if you’re minimizing their turn-ons. Reiterate that it’s the word being used to describe it, not the act/person/fantasy itself, that is the problem.
This can be doubly confusing because porn sites typically use offensive phrasing and slurs as genres and descriptors. The bottom line is, most porn companies are focused on making money, not influencing sex-positive culture or fostering inclusivity.
As an American Sex Podcast Discord member, you are never expected to confront someone about the language they are using. While you’re welcome to call that person in if you’d like, it’s not expected or required. Please DM a mod if there’s something you’d like us to address. It goes without saying, if members continue to use these words with malicious intent, that is grounds for an instant ban. Likewise, if someone tells you your language is offensive, don’t argue with them because you don’t see their point of view. Accept it, change your wording, and move on. If you are repeatedly obstinant about this, it is also grounds for an instaban.
Our policy on sensitve and controversial topics
As the server grows, if we find that members want to discuss highly controversial/triggering topics like sexual assault, race play, etc., we can create a separate area for that. This way people can talk freely about those topics and bystanders will have the ability to opt-in or opt-out of seeing those conversations. On the same token, we can’t possibly avoid everyone’s individual triggers. We ask that with on-the-fence topics like edge play, clowns, age play, etc– employ the YKINMKBYKIOK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Okay) strategy and just move on. We don’t support kink-shaming here. Some of us have weird-ass fantasies & fetishes and this is a place to celebrate them.
What is off limits in the American Sex Podcast Discord community?
The info detailed below isn’t an exhaustive list of every term that might be offensive in our community. It’s a collection of basic off-limits words/categories those unfamiliar with sex-positive culture are most likely to be unaware of. Just like all of us, this list/document is a work in progress; so is acceptable language. What might be ok to say today may fall out of favorability next year.
Lastly, we’re not the end-all-be-all on offensive words nor are we experts in these areas. We’ve linked you to further reading written by people in those communities/with those identities. This is intended as the place you where you begin to learn about some of these things. Upon being introduced to these concepts, we encourage you to continue researching and learning on your own.
Gender & Sexuality
*Not allowed: tranny, she-male, transvestite, fag, hermaphrodite, not respecting someone’s pronouns, the term “preferred pronouns”
Use Instead: trans person, trans woman, or trans man (and in some specific instances, like when referring to a porn genre, “t-girl” might be appropriate), crossdresser, gay/lesbian/queer/LGBTQ+, intersex, always respect pronouns, pronouns are not optional/preferred–they are non-negotiable.
*Not allowed: whore, hooker, THOT, ho/heaux, prostitute
Use Instead: sex-worker, companion, escort
*Not allowed: clean/dirty, herpes or STI jokes, STI shaming
Use Instead: positive/negative
*Not allowed: crippled, differently-abled, stupid, lame, retarded, dumb, crazy, psycho, “OMG, I’m so OCD about organizing my floggers!”
Use Instead: disabled, silly, banans, pointless, bizarre, wild, picky/particular
*Not allowed: fat/skinny/short/small penis/any other body descriptor used as an insult, perpetuating the notion that people who lack conventional European beauty standards are “ugly” or that appearance determines somsone’s value as a person
Use Instead: Many of these same words can be used as neutral descriptors, i.e. “I am a short, skinny man with a small penis,” supporting the idea that all bodies are beautiful & deserving of pleasure
*Not allowed: n-word (Nope, you can’t sing it, you can’t use the “soft r.” Don’t even think about it), any other racial slur (including “gypsy” or “gipped”). Listen to folks if they point out that you may be unknowingly perpetuating subtle/covert racism. Additionally, rethink the origins of your racial fetishes (especially if you’re white)–terms like BBC and practices like race-based cuckolding are very controversial and often reinforce harmful racial stereotypes.
Use Instead: No racial slurs! But it is certainly okay to talk about race and how the culture we’re raised in/how the world sees us may affect our sexuality and access to resources, in fact, it’s important. It’s also important to recognize the racial bias/privilege in approaches like, “I don’t see color” and “race never matters.”
*A few nuances to consider: There are some words above that we would never use in polite conversation that we would use during roleplay or BDSM scene. One of the most commonly referenced above is probably “whore.” There isn’t a consensus among sex workers who is or isn’t allowed to use this word and under what circumstances. Some say unless you’re a sex worker you shouldn’t use it at all in any context. Others are of the mind that’s it’s ok with consent in play situations (which includes your observers consenting to hear the word used as well). Some say you can only use it if you’re a full-service sex worker while others believe sex workers of any type can claim it as a self-identity.
At the end of the day, there’s not always a clear cut answer as to what isn’t and isn’t acceptable regarding certain words or using them in certain contexts. In these instances, our requirements may change based on group consensus or particular situation. If you’re using a questionable word in a text-based roleplay that’s viewable by the entire group, for instance, and some members are bothered by it, a mod may step in. We could ask you to move your conversation to a private chat or into a chat area for controversial topics. In situations like this, group request/culture will dictate how it is handled.
*A note about self-identity: Some people may reclaim some of the words above as a self-identity which may fall outside of having to abide by the above guidelines. After all, this is how, the word “queer” became so popular as an identity. But remember, if someone self-identifies as a slur, it does not mean you can call them that without their consent. It also does not mean you can call members of that same group by that word either.
Again, this document is a work in progress and acceptable language can be very nuanced–especially in kinky communities where roleplays, humiliation, and delving into the taboo factor in. Please let us know your thoughts and help us amend this document as this group and our language evolves.
Sunny & Ken
Special thanks to Grayson Schultz of chronicsex.org and Jenelle Marie Pierce of thestiproject.com for proving some of the links in this document
General American Sex Podcast Discord Rules
These rules pertain to the general chat areas only and NOT the explicit Playground area. This area has its own set of rules. New members are not allowed into The Playground until they have proven their standing and trustworthiness in our general community. Age verification will be required to access The Playground. Get more information in #playground-details.
Rules For Non-Explict American Sex Podcast Discord Server Areas
1. No minors allowed in this server. If we suspect you’re underage, we may require age verification. By agreeing to these rules, you are confirming you’re 18+.
2. No nudes/pornography allowed outside of The Playground.
3. This is a safe space to talk about sexuality, BDSM, gender, relationships, and mental health as it relates to these things–but NOT for the purpose of getting turned on/hooking up. Here you can geek out on sex, gender & relationships. Seek advice, share creative kinky ideas, get relationship help, chat about off topic things to your heart’s content, hang out & stream movies, etc. But DO NOT harass members for sex.
4. Don’t kink shame. Abide by “Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink’s OK.” We draw the line at non-consensual activities, underage, etc.
5. No soliciting. Don’t advertise your business/services in channels or DMs. We are pro-sex work but this isn’t a place to engage in it. Catfishing, grossly misrepresenting who you are, and spamming are instantly bannable.
6. Racism, anti-LGBTQ+ sentiments, ableism, body shaming, disrespect of pronouns, misogyny, anti-sex work, trolling, etc. will not be tolerated. We’re a left-leaning group as well so pro-Trump, anti-science rants aren’t welcome here either. If political arguments get out of hand (no matter what/who you support) we’ll ask you to disengage. You will be banned if you continue.
7. Certain words that may be semi-acceptable in general company may be considered slurs here. Please review our language guide here: https://sunnymegatron.com/american-sex-podcast-discord-language-etiquette/. By agreeing to these rules you are also agreeing to abide by the guidelines in that document.
8. Don’t be a jerk.
9. No harassment whatsoever. You’ll be gone so fast.
10. Ask publicly before you DM someone (i.e. consent is important)
11. This list is a work in progress. We ask you use common sense when it comes to your behavior. If there is something you feel should be added or amended, please let @SkankySanta#2595 (Ken) and/or @SunnyMegatron know.
You must type “agree” in #welcome to get guest permissions (caps sensitive, all lower case please).
As a @guest you can see the whole server but cannot participate in all channels.
For full access introduce yourself in the #introductions channel and an admin will hand approve you making you a full access member.
Thanks & Welcome!