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The Fundamentals of BDSM

BDSM-fundamentals-by-Sunny-Megatron-696x355

BDSM-fundamentals-by-Sunny-Megatron-696x355Here is my second article in my popular BDSM series at sexpert.com:

Now that we’re clear on the difference between vanilla and kinky, you might be ready to explore the world of BDSM further. Before you dive right into spanking, bondage, or roleplay there’s a bit of groundwork we need to cover first. Although you may have already had amazing experiences unknowingly dabbling in kink like we talked about in my last article, purposeful BDSM should involve a bit more knowledge, understanding, and planning.

Is BDSM abusive?

From the outside looking in, a typical BDSM scene may appear to be a one-sided affair in which the dominant gets to do whatever they want to the submissive. To the unknowing eye, things like spanking, objectification, or erotic humiliation seem abusive. If these actions are done properly within the framework of BDSM, however, they are anything but.
 
Let’s look at some of the key differences between BDSM and abuse:
 
  • BDSM is calmly planned and carefully controlled while abuse is an out of control situation. A dominant should always have a handle on their emotions and never act out of anger. Their role is to be caring, thoughtful, and always act in the best interest of the submissive.
  • In abusive situations one person lashes out physically and/or emotionally at the other without permission. In a BDSM scenario everything that happens is negotiated in detail ahead of time and approved by the submissive. The submissive also has the power to stop the action at any time for any reason by using a safeword.
  • Abusive episodes leave participants with negative feelings like sadness, anger, or remorse. The goal of a BDSM scene is for both partners to feel happy and satisfied when it’s over. It is the dominant’s job to check in and make sure the submissive feels safe and secure throughout the kinky scene. Afterwards, both partners engage in aftercare, which includes comforting the submissive and tending to them in a way that leaves them in an upbeat frame of mind.
To sum it up, abuse is based on force and intimidation while BDSM is thoughtfully negotiated play that is safe, sane, and consensual.

What Exactly Does Safe, Sane, And Consensual Mean?

It isn’t uncommon for those into BDSM to describe their play style as SSC, which stands for safe, sane, and consensual. SSC is otherwise known as the “golden rule of BDSM,” and for good reason. Let’s break it down:

 

Read the rest of The Fundamentals of BDSM where it was originally published on Sexpert.com 

 

Did you miss the first BDSM article? Read it here: Are You Secretly into BDSM?
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