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Learning My Own Sex Tips

Me, Myself & Irene: Did you have Fun? (Dildo Scene)
Me, Myself & Irene: Did you have Fun? (Dildo Scene)

Me, Myself & Irene: Did you have Fun? (Dildo Scene)

Hi everyone! My name is Frances and I’d like to share a story about the creation of my own sex tip. Sit back & enjoy!

I love reading sex tips. There seems to be a chapter dedicated to great sex in every newsstand woman’s magazine. Sometimes however, I wonder if the authors have tried the suggestions they’ve written as most tend to lack originality and inspiration. Perhaps they were running behind schedule and had a publishing deadline to meet so they pumped out an idea real quick.

I don’t want to toot my own horn, but every sex tip I’ve written has always been from personal experience. I promise I’m never going to say “lick his nipples.”  Trust me, I’ve tried. I licked his nipples once. It was gross, I got long hair in my mouth. He looked at me, eyebrows cocked, and asked what I was doing.

Life experience really is the best way to learn sex tips, you need to be creative and observant of your own actions and formulate the list in your mind. Sometimes I even write one down on paper, (hence the thing you’re reading now) because it’s so damn good, it makes me feel like some sex pro when others read and learn from it.

I bought a dildo. I have a bunch of vibes and felt like trying something different. All my vibrators are cute, pink & feminine disguised with “sweetheart” appeal, making you feel comfortable with the idea of sticking it in your vagina. The phallic rubber toy on the other hand, made no excuses for what it is. No cutesy appeal or fun designs. It was a dick. Just a fake, floppy dick. I became overwhelmed with a feeling of pure silliness.

Why on earth did I feel this way? Thinking further, the stigma of a fake penis has ruined the sexiness of it’s  intended purpose.  Even the word “dildo” sounds funny. There are never ending jokes about dildos and they’re even made fun of in movies. My favorite movie highlight is from Me, Myself & Irene when Jim Carrey speaks on behalf of a dildo.  Now seriously, I am supposed to stick this in my “special spot” and have a good time?

I spent the money so figured I’d try to  loose the silly feeling and somehow make it feel good. I accomplished this task. Here is the million dollar sex tip: Use it in the jacuzzi. A jacuzzi jet is the best sex toy ever made, but a the male replica makes the experience so much better. You’re practically sitting in a tub of lubricant. Have some candles lit on the sides and you’re in your own little slice of paradise… Inspired to try your own sex toy story? Check here for your own kinky inspiration.

Another unexpected reason why I learned to love the dildo is I am always weary of taking vibrators into the bath, I don’t want to get shocked (OK before you tell me that’s impossible, I am OCD about electrocution, okay?) Furthermore, water always seems to seep in the little rubber ring eventually and ruins the motor. Bringing the non-motorized toy in the bath allows me to enjoy the finest pleasure completely guilt and worry free.

Okay, so some may be asking right about now, “this is not a sex tip, there is no partner involved.” I would reply “yes, there is a partner involved… the kind that never says ‘no,’  is always ready and hard”. . .  haha a bad joke but I just had to slip it in there! In conclusion, this story proves that we don’t need a huge list of  sex tips, all we need is one good one. I hope you enjoy, although I know you will!


Guest Author Frances Denzel is a cheeky author aiming to teach women how to enjoy better sexual pleasure either with or without their lovers!



5 replies
  1. Hitachi Magic Wand
    Hitachi Magic Wand says:

    Great reference to one of Jim Carrey’s best movies. When he said that his lower back hurts, I almost fainted from laughing!

    Have you provided any reviews on the Hitachi Magic Wand? This is supposed to be the best massager/vibrator on the market and would like to know your unbiased input on it?

  2. Kelly
    Kelly says:

    Didn’t work for your experience, but don’t knock nipple play for men. I’ve been with more than one, including my husband of 17 years, who get turned on or get to orgasm through nipple licking, sucking, pinching, or biting. I’m with you on a jacuzzi tub and dildo!!


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