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The Fundamentals of BDSM

From the outside looking in, a typical BDSM scene may appear to be a one-sided affair in which the dominant gets to do whatever they want to the submissive. To the unknowing eye, things like spanking, objectification, or erotic humiliation seem abusive. If these actions are done properly within the framework of BDSM, however, they are anything but.
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Free Explore More Sexuality Summit

The great thing about the Explore More Summit is you can enjoy it all from the privacy of your own home and it's FREE! Explore More is all about just that-- exploring your more: in the bedroom, in your relationships, and in your life.
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My New BDSM Articles on Sexpert.com

I’m very excited to announce I’m writing regularly for sexpert.com now! Every two weeks or so expect a new article about kink. This isn’t just any BDSM series either. Each article is designed to build upon the last and will give you a solid BDSM 101 foundation and useable guide.
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Viagra for Women: Is Flibanserin all it’s cracked up to be?

Is Flibanserin really Viagra for women? That description is misleading. It also has a number of concerning side effects. Find out what it does and doesn't do and how you can produce its effects on your own without drugs.
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What is a Packer?

Packing is the act of wearing something in the crotch of one’s pants to give the appearance of a penis. Some people pack with socks or other items found around the home while others buy commercially made prosthetic devices commonly known as packers. Some styles of packers can be used for penetrative sex.
Aydian Dowling
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Transgender 101: A Starting Point

22% of Americans personally know someone who is transgender and that number is steadily growing. Many of us are confused about what being transgender means. After Jenner made his* announcement, more people are asking, "What does it mean to be transgender?" This transgender 101 will help get you started.
Sunny Megatron Podcast
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Sunny Megatron on Full Disclosure Podcast: The Great Blow Job Debate

Are blow jobs fun to give or a chore? Eric Barry invited Mary Zee-- a lover of fellatio, Michelle Yoder-- a disliker of blow jobs and me-- a former hater but now enthusiastic member of #TeamBlowJob, to debate it out on the Full Disclosure Podcast.
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An Open Letter to Sex Educators & BDSM Community Re: 50 Shades of Grey

Love it or hate it, THIS article about rescued marriages is what Fifty Shades of Grey is doing for a lot of people-- and that's a wonderful thing. I get letters from folks all the time about saved marriages and renewed relationships. As educators and BDSM community members, poo-pooing the book (as many in this article quoting 50 sex educators/fetishists on 50 shades do) does nothing but shame people's very real, valid, life changing experiences. And what we want most is for them to enter the world of BDSM in a safe, sane, and consensual manner (or in a RACK-y way if that's more their thing ;) ) and learn to differentiate between fantasy inspiration and healthy real-life kink.
Photo credit: Alex Proimoson, flickr
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Disclosing Your Kinks to Your Doctor

What if there are repercussions as a result of that doctor finding out exactly how you got those bruises all over your ass? What if they judge or shame you? What if their biases affect the quality of care they give you?
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Four Sexy Taboos to Explore this Halloween

Sexual taboos are different for everyone. We all have things we absolutely won’t do, however, most of us also have a few naughty, unmentionable, and totally hot taboos that really turn us on. These are the things we’ve been itching to try but because they are a little *ehemm* different, may seem too awkward to bring up to a partner. Halloween can be the perfect time to dive into some of these unchartered waters. Here are 4 sexy taboos that you can explore this October:
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Dear Facebook, #MyNameIs Sunny Megatron

Despite Chris Cox, Facebook’s VP of Product, stating yesterday that everyone has the right to use their “authentic identity” rather than their legal name on Facebook, I woke up this morning locked out of my account. A message popped up stating I had to provide a “government issued ID” to change my name back to the only name I've used for many years.
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Best Sex Writing of 2013 Blog Tour

Self identified sex geek or not, odds are you’ll find something within its pages that resonates with you. You’ll find something liberating, inspiring, and something make makes you think, “Huh, I never thought about it that way.” Hands down, this compilation contains some of the best writings of sex and sexuality I have ever read.
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We Were on Sex Nerd Sandra Talking CLOWN SEX!

Well, we weren't ON Sandra but we were guests on her podcast!  This episode was all about clown fetish.  Oh, you didn't know about the clown thing Ken & I have?  Here's a clown sex primer I wrote, Diary of a Sex Clown: Life Lessons…
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15 Easy, Simple, Quick Tactics to Increase Playtime in Your Relationship

We would probably all differ a little in our answer to the question “What is a relationship for” but one thing we can probably all agree on is the idea that it needs to be fun. Fun is what happens between you and your partner when you put aside the problems in your life, in your world, maybe in your relationship itself, and “throw the old pigskin around” figuratively.
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If Men Could Menstruate

Reading this essay was the very first time I felt validated in my suspicions that the world wasn’t balanced. Although I was told I could do anything, be anything, and my value was equal to that of a man, I knew deep down that really wasn’t true. What I was told and my day-to-day experiences were two very different things.
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Why Men Don't Always Want Sex

This is a touchy subject, but I don’t feel like having sex all the time anymore. Surprise! I’m getting older. Soon I will be 44 years of age. I am into alternate sexual practices; I’m in an open relationship, BDSM, and have multiple sexual partners. I should always be in the mood, right? Wrong!
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Ode to Butches

I love everything about butch women, and I always have. More feminine girls just don't do anything for me sexually- I can objectively admire their beauty and sexiness, but in the end, it's when I see a woman who is androgynous, boyish, or plain out manly, my heart starts to pitter-patter. So let me sing an ode to butches here, because ...
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Happy Bisexuality Day! Why is it so Hard Being Bi?

September 23rd, 2012 is Bisexuality Day. We need more visible bisexual role-models and supporters so I’m doing my part! I dig everyone-- dudes, chicks, people whose plumbing traditionally matches their gender, those who don’t match…
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Pubic Hair: To Shave Or Not To Shave?

This is a must read article on pubic hair from Good Vibrations Blog. It's like the author, Alyssa Royse, and I are twin souls. Like her, I didn't remove my pubic hair until well into my 30's. I can’t love my hair(less)style enough. Sometimes…
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5 Reasons Why Female Condoms Rock My World

Female condoms feel AMAZING! As someone with a vagina I can personally say using female condoms feels a bit more like sex without a condom. The male lovers I have used them with say they feel especially out of this world to a penis. Many men say it’s close to the sensation of bare-backing. Female condoms feel so natural because they warm up to the temperature of the wearers body. As an added bonus, when used for man/woman sex, the clitoris can be stimulated by the condoms outer ring and the tip of the penis stimulated by the inner ring.
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Get Lusty Podcast: Chicago Based Sexuality Educator Sunny Megatron

Huge thanks to Get Lusty for interviewing me!  Below is a re-print of the original article/podcast published on GetLusty.com.  Also, if you haven't checked out Get Lusty, get started!  They post a bunch of sex positive, awesome articles every…
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Learning from Kink: Polyamory and Swinging - My Visit with The Kinky Diva

This is part two of What Kink Can Teach Us. The "alternative" community we will be focusing on this week is polyamory and swingers. I must admit. I am completely monogamous and look for/require [...]
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The Vanilla vs. Kink Crossover

When it comes to vanillas and kinksters there’s a real “us” and “them” attitude. It’s like the Sharks and the Jets (Yes, I’m showing my age . . . and my love for musicals. Quiet, or I’ll dance fight your ass.). If you’re one you can’t be the other. You should never let it be known you occasionally associate with the other side, right? Look how badly that turned out for Tony and Maria. It’s also assumed if you’re on one side you think the other is less than worthy. Breaking it down to basic stereotypes, vanillas think kinksters are scary and weird. Kinksters think vanillas are unadventurous and boring.
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Rules, Roleplays & Rituals: How to Bring Kink into Your Bedroom

Whenever I talk to people who have little to no experience in bondage, domination, sadism, submission, masochism, or the like, I ask them to imagine for me a couple. They are named Chris and Alex. First of all,
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7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dominant

Just what is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dom. He chooses the subcategory of “Daddy” within the lifestyle of dominance and submission (D/s). Let’s get one thing out of the way right at the beginning. A Daddy Dom does not
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"A Guide to Emotional Independence" or "How I learned to Stop Worrying & Not Give a Fuck What Other People Think"

Here’s a quick guide to being secure with who you are, being comfortable with your own feelings, and being able to maintain emotional independence without feeling stifled by other people’s responses…
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Body Bashing: There is No Wrong Way to Have a Body

  I am tired, tired, tired of the “Real Women Have Curves” bullshit floating around Facebook.  Yes, I have curves.  Sometimes I love them and often I hate them.  I have major body image issues.  They play on my mind every…
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Trading Power for Pleasure? Popular Blogs Giving Horrible Advice to Kink Curious Women

Everyone’s jumping on the BSDM/50 Shades bandwagon. Every other internet news source claims to have the secret to creating the perfect 50 Shades experience but few provide accuracy or substance.  CaféMom/The Stir’s “Women Who Want…
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I Don’t Like You Much, Christian Grey

A few days ago, one of the local radio news stations interviewed us for their “50 shades of Grey” series. I was interested in talking about the book. One way or the other it’s an important book right now. It’s on paper, it’s got a cardboard cover, it’s written with an incessant and continual internal dialogue that makes you want to stick needles in your face, it’s on the bestseller list.
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You want more S&M classes? Get ready for BDSM 201: Dungeons for Beginners!

Our BDSM 101: 50 Shades of Taboo class last night at Taboo Tabou was AWESOME!  Thanks to everyone who came out! The turnout was wonderful and I’m already receiving all sorts of private notes from attendees thanking Ken and I for teaching…
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Stop Hating on 50 Shades of Grey!

  My fellow literary snobs, sex educators, kinksters & sex positive community members may be shocked to hear me say this: STOP HATING ON 50 SHADES OF GREY! Yep, you read that correctly.  I’m defending 50 Shades of Grey. Whether…
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BDSM Without Sex?

When we hear words like fetish, kink, BDSM or S&M we immediately think sex. BDSM is an acronym many in the mainstream consider synonymous with S&M. Technically it stands for bondage & discipline (BD), dominance & submission (DS) and sadism & masochism (SM). In other words-- whatever it is you like that’s kinky, whether on the giving or receiving end, is included in the all encompassing label of BDSM.
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The Journey of Self Love - My Masturbation Story

May is International Masturbation Month!  This article was written by Sunny Megatron for and originally appearing in Lidia-Anain's Sex Love Joy.  During the entire month of May 2012, Sex Love Joy will feature a collection of masturbation…
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Detroit’s Local 4 News Filming of BDSM Club Irresponsible Journalism

I just learned Detroit's Local 4 News planted someone at a local BDSM Dungeon party and will broadcast images of the guests captured on a hidden camera on tonight's 11pm news.  The angle of the story is something to the effect of "OMG! Are…
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Diary of a Sex Clown: Life Lessons from a Clown Fetishist

Upon meeting a prospective partner in a coffee shop or at the corner bar, they often become “Coffee Shop Hottie” or “Corner Bar Dude” in casual conversation amongst friends. When I first met the love of my life, my best friend and I secretly referred to him as “The Sex Clown.”
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Navigating Consent & Setting Sexual Boundaries: Yes/No/Maybe List

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.  It’s a topic I am very passionate about. I devoted a lot of time this month to speaking and teaching about sexual consent.  In my Sexual Consent Workshops we learn about consent in the context…
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My Perfect Vagina is 8 Miles Wide

    I was recently asked to articulate my opinion on cosmetic vaginal surgery, mainly labiaplasty. I promptly re-watched the film linked above, The Perfect Vagina by Heather Leach and Lisa Rogers.  I originally saw the…
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Put it Between My Breasts: My Mother's Day Story

When I was about 7 years old I accidentally heard my mother having sex. I stayed quiet as not to be discovered but had to keep listening out of sheer curiosity. At one point I heard her say in a whispery, trying-too-hard, bedroom voice “put it . . . between my . . . breaasssttts!”
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Stand Up - To Homophobic Bullying

  This PSA from Stand up! is of the best anti-bullying videos I've seen.  It made me cry, damn it! Really, everyone NEEDS to see this.   Show your friends, show your kids.  We need this happening in every school.  …
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My Penis and Everyone Else's

I love Lawrence Barraclough and I don’t care if he has a teeny weenie peener.  Besides, size doesn’t matter.  Well, yes it does.  Well . . . no, it doesn’t really.  Okay, maybe a little bit.  No?  What’s the right answer!? This…
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Northwestern Fucksaw: Has The New Sexual Revolution Just Begun?

I continue to be bombarded with countless untruths about what occurred during our lecture on February 21st, 2011 at Northwestern University.  It has turned into a global game of telephone.  The story has become so distorted and plucked…
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Fucksaw at Northwestern University: The REAL Story

I was one of the four guest lecturers at Northwestern University-- Ken Melvoin-Berg, Faith Kroll, Jim Marcus and myself.  In fact, that infamous fucksaw belongs to me.  I have been too crazy with media interviews, real life duties and…
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Margaret Cho: My Puss

Oh Margaret, I love you. Can I have your babies? My puss, churns out cute Cho babies Your puss, foaming with rabies My puss, digs Mar-gar-et Your puss, will get put down at the vet Alright, I’ll stop. http://www.yout…
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Best. It Gets Better Video. Ever.

Comedian and improv performer Rebecca Drysdale hit a home run with her video for Dan Savage’s It Gets Better Project. Best. ‘It Gets Better’ video. Ever. If you are a parent to a teen, you should have your child watch this. …